I'm not feeling too great today but I'm trying to be patient with myself. Some days my mind and my heart get so confused, one wants to do something and the other wants to do something else.
Like yesterday, I decided for the umpteenth time that I did not want to stay here and wanted to move back to WA. But then later in the evening I tell myself that I need to at least give things a chance out here. I keep going back & forth.
I can honestly say that at this very moment, I have no idea what I want and I really do not know how to figure it out. I don't know where I want to live, where I want to work, what I want for dinner, nothing. Last night was another crying on & off evening and then staying up until almost 5 in the morning, waking up and starting to cry all over again. I can't even blame it on hormones...ha ha.
I went for a walk yesterday after Teri got out of work, that was a nice....but then I went out and bought a little container of donut holes, so that defeated the whole purpose of walking. :)
It's been really warm again today but now it's starting to get cloudy and windy and I think that we're going to get some thunderstorms, I really hope so. I feel like Shirley Manson from "Garbage" in their song "I'm only happy when it rains"....but I really like thunderstorms. :)
I hope everyone has a great weekend and I hope the next time I post that I'm in a better state of mind.
-M.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
pet peeve
Hello, I have a major pet peeve that I need to get off my chest. I am not going to name names or get into details, but I have a major issue with people that feel they know what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. I cannot stand it when someone tells me what I'm feeling....especially after I have made it clear what I really am feeling or thinking.
I have dealt with this issue in the past and it frustrates me to no end that people can be so arrogant, so full of themselves that they feel they know your thoughts and feelings better than you do.
I am an adult, I am 35 years old, I'm a fairly smart & sensible person and I am capable of thinking for myself and knowing what I want and what I don't want.
Okay, I'm done now. :)
I have dealt with this issue in the past and it frustrates me to no end that people can be so arrogant, so full of themselves that they feel they know your thoughts and feelings better than you do.
I am an adult, I am 35 years old, I'm a fairly smart & sensible person and I am capable of thinking for myself and knowing what I want and what I don't want.
Okay, I'm done now. :)
commercial
So I'm watching Jay Leno and a commercial comes on that shows a white rabbit with a brightly colored "rabbit's foot" re-attached....I don't know exactly what was said in this commercial but it mentioned how so many rabbits can once again lead full lives because science has now enabled us to re-attach rabbit's feet. It disturbed me. They showed all these rabbits with brightly colored feet. It was for Traveler's Insurance and the theme was something about luck.
It grossed me out and I think it's awful. Just wanted to share.
It grossed me out and I think it's awful. Just wanted to share.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Wednesday night
Hello again! I had a pretty good day....boy was it warm here!
I ended up getting a pedicure but when I went to this US Nails place that I saw a sign for, the building was empty. Um, helloooo....take down the darn sign! It worked out well, there was another nail salon a few doors down and I ended up going in there. My pedi turned out very nice and I got an excellent foot and leg massage....felt wonderful especially after my charlie horse in my calf early this morning. Today's pedi color choice is called "Vampy"....once I saw the name I just had to get it. ;)
I went to dinner with Darcy tonight to Friday's....I normally don't like Friday's but it seems like the menu has changed since the last time I've gone and that was a couple years back in WA. I had this delicious salad that reminded me of one I used to order at Coho's in Redmond....chicken marinated in a wonderful balsamic vinaigrette with pecans and strawberries on top of a bed of wild greens. Yummy!!
Kari called tonight and we got to catch up, I love talking to her....Kurtis is getting his first hair cut tonight....what a big boy he is! I really miss that little guy.
I received an e-mail back from the Niagara County Save-A-Pet organization and they gave me a few different options as far as volunteering. From what they said, either 1 or 2 Saturdays a month they have a "Pick a Pet" adoption event at different locations and that they need help setting up, answering questions, etc. I think that would be something I'd really enjoy....also they need help with putting together flyers and whatnot for fundraisers, so that'd be something I can do too. I'm excited! >^..^<
I am going to try to get to bed at a more reasonable time tonight so that I don't sleep in again until noon....not that it really matters what time I get up but it does make me feel a tad bit lazy. ha ha.
That's all I've got....goodnite & don't let the bed bugs (or centipedes!!) bite! :)
-M.
I ended up getting a pedicure but when I went to this US Nails place that I saw a sign for, the building was empty. Um, helloooo....take down the darn sign! It worked out well, there was another nail salon a few doors down and I ended up going in there. My pedi turned out very nice and I got an excellent foot and leg massage....felt wonderful especially after my charlie horse in my calf early this morning. Today's pedi color choice is called "Vampy"....once I saw the name I just had to get it. ;)
I went to dinner with Darcy tonight to Friday's....I normally don't like Friday's but it seems like the menu has changed since the last time I've gone and that was a couple years back in WA. I had this delicious salad that reminded me of one I used to order at Coho's in Redmond....chicken marinated in a wonderful balsamic vinaigrette with pecans and strawberries on top of a bed of wild greens. Yummy!!
Kari called tonight and we got to catch up, I love talking to her....Kurtis is getting his first hair cut tonight....what a big boy he is! I really miss that little guy.
I received an e-mail back from the Niagara County Save-A-Pet organization and they gave me a few different options as far as volunteering. From what they said, either 1 or 2 Saturdays a month they have a "Pick a Pet" adoption event at different locations and that they need help setting up, answering questions, etc. I think that would be something I'd really enjoy....also they need help with putting together flyers and whatnot for fundraisers, so that'd be something I can do too. I'm excited! >^..^<
I am going to try to get to bed at a more reasonable time tonight so that I don't sleep in again until noon....not that it really matters what time I get up but it does make me feel a tad bit lazy. ha ha.
That's all I've got....goodnite & don't let the bed bugs (or centipedes!!) bite! :)
-M.
Wednesday
Hello & good morning/afternoon. It feels like morning to me but it's almost 1:30 in the pm. My sleep schedule is so out of whack. With not working and not having Matt to wake me up when he was getting ready for work and also my beloved cat Harley that I left behind (who liked to wake me up anywhere between 3 & 4 am to 'escort' him downstairs to his food bowl)....I just sleep until I wake up. It doesn't help that I'll fall asleep for an hour or two in the evening and then be up until 2 or 3 in the morning. I have to admit that I like living like this because I hate having a designated time I have to go to bed or wake up but I also do feel a little guilty because I know right now I'm a little spoiled. Yes, I'm totally spoiled...I am sleeping on a twin bed, have no cookware, two chairs that are over 10 years old and I finally got cable. I am living the high life! :)
I woke up around 5 this morning with a horrible charlie horse in my calf...ouch!! I get them all of the time in the arches of my feet but hardly ever in my legs....that is flippin' painful!!
It's 85 degrees already. Luckily my grandpa's house is shaded pretty well and it still feels relatively cool in here. I think it'll be like this tomorrow too and then Friday we'll get some thunder storms. Love, love, love thunder storms!
I talked to Matt a few minutes ago and the movers were there getting all the big stuff out of the townhouse. I got a little perturbed (is that a word?) because he's getting rid of the couch and the entertainment center. Now don't get me wrong, me leaving everything behind was a conscious decision and it's his right to do with it what he wants but I think it just irritates me a little because right now I literally have nothing. Such is life, right? He's doing pretty good, I think his move has kept him busy and I think it'll be a good change for him. It's so funny because I didn't even want the couch or the entertainment center....I guess it's just the point of the matter. I suppose this is how some divorced couples get so petty and fighting about everything....I'm soooo glad we didn't go there.
Last night I ordered my famous Pizza Oven pizza....I don't know what the heck I was thinking when I ordered it, I asked for a large....for just me! Now don't get me wrong, I love this pizza but I haven't been eating much lately for starters and on top of that although pizza oven pizza is even better the day after----I don't have anything to re-heat it. I do have an oven but no cookie sheets or anything...maybe I'll have to go to walmart and pick some up because I don't want this precious pizza to go to waste. I had 3 slices dipped in blue cheese (weird I know but I love anything dipped in blue cheese!) and it was heavanly.
I think I have had all of the yummy foods here that I haven't been able to get anywhere else and it's time for me to get back on track. My only saving grace is that I haven't been eating much more than one meal a day but it hasn't been the most healthy. I don't want to gain back any of the weight that I've lost, I'd like to lose 20 more and then I'd be at my 'goal' weight. I don't like to judge things by the number on the scale but even though I feel 100% better than I have in YEARS, I still feel I need to lose a little more.
Speaking of.....I need to do some shopping for some interviewing clothes. Between working at Medtronic where I wore nice jeans every day and then losing weight, any dressier items that I had got tossed out because they were way too big. As Jenna & I have discussed in the past, we should be able to get some sort of trade-in credit on clothes when we've lost weight.
I really, really want my own apartment. I don't like this limbo feeling. I also don't like the feeling of having to 'check' with someone before I do something....that someone is my aunt. As I wrote previously, between the daily mail calls and telling me I can't clean the kitchen floors the way I want to....I can't take it. One of my goals of making all these changes was to become totally independent, not rely on anyone and to not feel like I have to answer to anyone....possibly sounds selfish but that's what I want. I just want to do what I want, when I want and not worry about anyone. I'm fortunate that Matt & I didn't have children (although those of you that know me know that we did try and sadly it wasn't in the cards for us) in the regard that I was able to make a clean break and just worry about me. It's hard to explain but even though we never had children, I still was never good at putting myself first. I always wanted to make him happy and never really paid attention to my own happiness. I know I'm rambling but I'm really trying to focus on MY happiness and learn that without me being happy with me, that I truly can't move forward. Okay, enough of my psychological babble. :)
I was looking at my toes last night and I am in desperate need of a pedicure. I saw a place on Transit Rd called "US Nails" which is the name of the place I used to go to in Redmond, so I think that is where I will go today. After that I think I'll head over to the wonderful Lockport Mall (major sarcasm here as it is virtually empty) and see what I can find at the BonTon---similar to Macy's for the west-coasters.
I looked at airfare yesterday for a flight from Buffalo to Seattle and it was like $437... WTF?? Geesh. So, we'll have to see when I'll be able to come back for a visit. I should probably wait until I've been gone at least a month, ha ha. And Kaelee, I totally love your couch so I just might take you up on that offer! :)
Take care everyone, have a great day & I miss you all!
Love,
M.
I woke up around 5 this morning with a horrible charlie horse in my calf...ouch!! I get them all of the time in the arches of my feet but hardly ever in my legs....that is flippin' painful!!
It's 85 degrees already. Luckily my grandpa's house is shaded pretty well and it still feels relatively cool in here. I think it'll be like this tomorrow too and then Friday we'll get some thunder storms. Love, love, love thunder storms!
I talked to Matt a few minutes ago and the movers were there getting all the big stuff out of the townhouse. I got a little perturbed (is that a word?) because he's getting rid of the couch and the entertainment center. Now don't get me wrong, me leaving everything behind was a conscious decision and it's his right to do with it what he wants but I think it just irritates me a little because right now I literally have nothing. Such is life, right? He's doing pretty good, I think his move has kept him busy and I think it'll be a good change for him. It's so funny because I didn't even want the couch or the entertainment center....I guess it's just the point of the matter. I suppose this is how some divorced couples get so petty and fighting about everything....I'm soooo glad we didn't go there.
Last night I ordered my famous Pizza Oven pizza....I don't know what the heck I was thinking when I ordered it, I asked for a large....for just me! Now don't get me wrong, I love this pizza but I haven't been eating much lately for starters and on top of that although pizza oven pizza is even better the day after----I don't have anything to re-heat it. I do have an oven but no cookie sheets or anything...maybe I'll have to go to walmart and pick some up because I don't want this precious pizza to go to waste. I had 3 slices dipped in blue cheese (weird I know but I love anything dipped in blue cheese!) and it was heavanly.
I think I have had all of the yummy foods here that I haven't been able to get anywhere else and it's time for me to get back on track. My only saving grace is that I haven't been eating much more than one meal a day but it hasn't been the most healthy. I don't want to gain back any of the weight that I've lost, I'd like to lose 20 more and then I'd be at my 'goal' weight. I don't like to judge things by the number on the scale but even though I feel 100% better than I have in YEARS, I still feel I need to lose a little more.
Speaking of.....I need to do some shopping for some interviewing clothes. Between working at Medtronic where I wore nice jeans every day and then losing weight, any dressier items that I had got tossed out because they were way too big. As Jenna & I have discussed in the past, we should be able to get some sort of trade-in credit on clothes when we've lost weight.
I really, really want my own apartment. I don't like this limbo feeling. I also don't like the feeling of having to 'check' with someone before I do something....that someone is my aunt. As I wrote previously, between the daily mail calls and telling me I can't clean the kitchen floors the way I want to....I can't take it. One of my goals of making all these changes was to become totally independent, not rely on anyone and to not feel like I have to answer to anyone....possibly sounds selfish but that's what I want. I just want to do what I want, when I want and not worry about anyone. I'm fortunate that Matt & I didn't have children (although those of you that know me know that we did try and sadly it wasn't in the cards for us) in the regard that I was able to make a clean break and just worry about me. It's hard to explain but even though we never had children, I still was never good at putting myself first. I always wanted to make him happy and never really paid attention to my own happiness. I know I'm rambling but I'm really trying to focus on MY happiness and learn that without me being happy with me, that I truly can't move forward. Okay, enough of my psychological babble. :)
I was looking at my toes last night and I am in desperate need of a pedicure. I saw a place on Transit Rd called "US Nails" which is the name of the place I used to go to in Redmond, so I think that is where I will go today. After that I think I'll head over to the wonderful Lockport Mall (major sarcasm here as it is virtually empty) and see what I can find at the BonTon---similar to Macy's for the west-coasters.
I looked at airfare yesterday for a flight from Buffalo to Seattle and it was like $437... WTF?? Geesh. So, we'll have to see when I'll be able to come back for a visit. I should probably wait until I've been gone at least a month, ha ha. And Kaelee, I totally love your couch so I just might take you up on that offer! :)
Take care everyone, have a great day & I miss you all!
Love,
M.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Tuesday afternoon
Hello again....I'm pleased to say that I have not seen another centipede...*yet*. Bring it on, I say! :)
Went to bed late last night but got myself up early as I remembered that Tuesday is garbage day here on Union St. I forget that there are designated pick-up days for garbage, I'm used to just hauling the bags out to a dumpster and being done with it. After that I got myself dressed and took myself out to Panera for breakfast....cinnamon crunch bagel and a coffee. Headed up the road to a self-serve power wash and washed & vacuumed my car. I have to admit that I love washing my car...I never told Matt that because well, I just didn't...but I do enjoy doing it. Then I found a Bank of America up towards Williamsville and deposited two of my unemployment checks, I'm finally caught up on that.
Then....the best news of the day....drum roll, please....the cable guy called and said he was in the area and even though my "appointment" wasn't until 5-7pm, he wondered if he could stop by now. I was like "hell yeah you can!". So he was here for about 15 minutes and I now have television. I only have 22 channels but that is 22 more channels than I've had for almost two weeks and it makes me smile. It was so nice to turn on my new tv and see & hear more that static. It's the little things in life, right?!
I forgot to mention that I've received two very nice cards in the mail the last few days....one from Amy that made me cry (happy tears) when I read it and then another from Kari that included adorable pictures of Kurtis. I miss my little buddy! He's so adorable and Kari, if you're reading this, I loved the one that showed him standing up....I can't believe he is walking!
I have to say that part of me wants to come back to WA to visit before I start a new job here. I don't know where I'd stay but I feel like I want to see everyone again. Wouldn't be a very financially responsible idea but I think I'm homesick. I miss everyone there, I really do! Even though work at Medtronic got to be such an awful situation, I actually miss it. Well, some of it. ;)
That's all I've got for now....I'm going to go & watch me some freaking tv!!!
Love,
M.
Went to bed late last night but got myself up early as I remembered that Tuesday is garbage day here on Union St. I forget that there are designated pick-up days for garbage, I'm used to just hauling the bags out to a dumpster and being done with it. After that I got myself dressed and took myself out to Panera for breakfast....cinnamon crunch bagel and a coffee. Headed up the road to a self-serve power wash and washed & vacuumed my car. I have to admit that I love washing my car...I never told Matt that because well, I just didn't...but I do enjoy doing it. Then I found a Bank of America up towards Williamsville and deposited two of my unemployment checks, I'm finally caught up on that.
Then....the best news of the day....drum roll, please....the cable guy called and said he was in the area and even though my "appointment" wasn't until 5-7pm, he wondered if he could stop by now. I was like "hell yeah you can!". So he was here for about 15 minutes and I now have television. I only have 22 channels but that is 22 more channels than I've had for almost two weeks and it makes me smile. It was so nice to turn on my new tv and see & hear more that static. It's the little things in life, right?!
I forgot to mention that I've received two very nice cards in the mail the last few days....one from Amy that made me cry (happy tears) when I read it and then another from Kari that included adorable pictures of Kurtis. I miss my little buddy! He's so adorable and Kari, if you're reading this, I loved the one that showed him standing up....I can't believe he is walking!
I have to say that part of me wants to come back to WA to visit before I start a new job here. I don't know where I'd stay but I feel like I want to see everyone again. Wouldn't be a very financially responsible idea but I think I'm homesick. I miss everyone there, I really do! Even though work at Medtronic got to be such an awful situation, I actually miss it. Well, some of it. ;)
That's all I've got for now....I'm going to go & watch me some freaking tv!!!
Love,
M.
Centipedes!!!
Hello....I just had a "showdown" with a centipede. I saw him earlier running across the living room carpet, nearly knocked me over. He ran into the bathroom and under the baseboard heater. I was hoping I'd never see him again but lo & behold less than 30 minutes ago I saw him (or a friend??--yikes!!) run across the carpet in the front room. First let me say, I do not like crawly things and without sounding like a total girl, it just makes my skin crawl. So, I was going to step on him with my nike flip flops but then realized that the bottoms have 'holes' and I did not want his guts on my foot. So I grabbed a sneaker and my wonderful attack cat Winnie had him cornered near the bookcase....I took said sneaker and it was the end of his reign of terror. I just hope that he is the same centipede that I saw earlier because I can't handle the thought of there being more than one. Ewwww. :(
So I had a pretty decent day. I meant to get up at 8 this morning but my back was killing me from my vacuuming spree last night, so I stayed in bed until 10 or so. Got myself together and went to Tops (grocery store) and Walmart. Picked up a nice new mop, a bucket and some pine-sol. Let me first say that I am very appreciative that I'm able to stay here at my grandfather's house, I really am. And I understand that it was a lot of work for my two aunts to clean out over 80 years of stuff. With that said, this place is a mess. Not cluttered or anything, just dirty. Not filthy by any means, just needs a good cleaning. It has been driving me crazy. I've been doing little things every day but this morning decided it's time to bring out the mop. So I'm all excited.
My aunt Barb comes over to bring me my mail (which is a whole other story) and I said something about how I went to walmart and I'm going to mop the floors, blah blah. She then tells me that I can't use any kind of cleaner on the floor, only warm water. I said why? She told me that it'll take the top coating off the linoleum. Huh?? I read the back of the pine-sol bottle before I bought it and the only thing it says that it CAN'T be used on is wood floors. Unless this linoleum is some high-end specialty brand that I never heard of before, I highly doubt that it's going to ruin it. For the love of god. I don't care what she says, I'm going to be a rebel and mop the darn floor with my pine-sol.
As I've said before, I love my aunt Barb. She has taken on the role of my surrogate mother since my mom died and for that I will always be grateful. She's a wonderful person and I know that her intentions are nothing but good. With that said....she is making me want to pull my hair out. I think I mentioned that she wouldn't let me use my grandfather's home address as my forwarding address....she said it would 'confuse the mail man'. Ummm, okaaaay. So now every day she calls me to tell me every little thing that I received in the mail and then it becomes a production as to how said mail will get to me. I think the reason she had me use her address is to give her a reason to call me every day and see me...which I do appreciate, really I do...but I'm 35 years old and I don't like being treated like I'm 12. Okay, enough complaining.
I talked to Matt today for a few minutes, he's in the process of moving into his new apartment on Avalon Rd in Redmond. He's bringing boxes over with his car a couple times a day and then movers are coming in on Wednesday to get the big stuff out of the townhouse. I really hope that he likes his new place....it's funny because during one of our talks we had before I left, he mentioned how this is going to be his first time living on his own. He joined the army right after we graduated and lived in the barracks until we got married....so this will be a good experience for him. I'm excited for him.
Well my eyes are getting heavy so I should get to bed. Have a good day everyone! :)
So I had a pretty decent day. I meant to get up at 8 this morning but my back was killing me from my vacuuming spree last night, so I stayed in bed until 10 or so. Got myself together and went to Tops (grocery store) and Walmart. Picked up a nice new mop, a bucket and some pine-sol. Let me first say that I am very appreciative that I'm able to stay here at my grandfather's house, I really am. And I understand that it was a lot of work for my two aunts to clean out over 80 years of stuff. With that said, this place is a mess. Not cluttered or anything, just dirty. Not filthy by any means, just needs a good cleaning. It has been driving me crazy. I've been doing little things every day but this morning decided it's time to bring out the mop. So I'm all excited.
My aunt Barb comes over to bring me my mail (which is a whole other story) and I said something about how I went to walmart and I'm going to mop the floors, blah blah. She then tells me that I can't use any kind of cleaner on the floor, only warm water. I said why? She told me that it'll take the top coating off the linoleum. Huh?? I read the back of the pine-sol bottle before I bought it and the only thing it says that it CAN'T be used on is wood floors. Unless this linoleum is some high-end specialty brand that I never heard of before, I highly doubt that it's going to ruin it. For the love of god. I don't care what she says, I'm going to be a rebel and mop the darn floor with my pine-sol.
As I've said before, I love my aunt Barb. She has taken on the role of my surrogate mother since my mom died and for that I will always be grateful. She's a wonderful person and I know that her intentions are nothing but good. With that said....she is making me want to pull my hair out. I think I mentioned that she wouldn't let me use my grandfather's home address as my forwarding address....she said it would 'confuse the mail man'. Ummm, okaaaay. So now every day she calls me to tell me every little thing that I received in the mail and then it becomes a production as to how said mail will get to me. I think the reason she had me use her address is to give her a reason to call me every day and see me...which I do appreciate, really I do...but I'm 35 years old and I don't like being treated like I'm 12. Okay, enough complaining.
I talked to Matt today for a few minutes, he's in the process of moving into his new apartment on Avalon Rd in Redmond. He's bringing boxes over with his car a couple times a day and then movers are coming in on Wednesday to get the big stuff out of the townhouse. I really hope that he likes his new place....it's funny because during one of our talks we had before I left, he mentioned how this is going to be his first time living on his own. He joined the army right after we graduated and lived in the barracks until we got married....so this will be a good experience for him. I'm excited for him.
Well my eyes are getting heavy so I should get to bed. Have a good day everyone! :)
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