Wednesday

Hello & good morning/afternoon. It feels like morning to me but it's almost 1:30 in the pm. My sleep schedule is so out of whack. With not working and not having Matt to wake me up when he was getting ready for work and also my beloved cat Harley that I left behind (who liked to wake me up anywhere between 3 & 4 am to 'escort' him downstairs to his food bowl)....I just sleep until I wake up. It doesn't help that I'll fall asleep for an hour or two in the evening and then be up until 2 or 3 in the morning. I have to admit that I like living like this because I hate having a designated time I have to go to bed or wake up but I also do feel a little guilty because I know right now I'm a little spoiled. Yes, I'm totally spoiled...I am sleeping on a twin bed, have no cookware, two chairs that are over 10 years old and I finally got cable. I am living the high life! :)
I woke up around 5 this morning with a horrible charlie horse in my calf...ouch!! I get them all of the time in the arches of my feet but hardly ever in my legs....that is flippin' painful!!

It's 85 degrees already. Luckily my grandpa's house is shaded pretty well and it still feels relatively cool in here. I think it'll be like this tomorrow too and then Friday we'll get some thunder storms. Love, love, love thunder storms!

I talked to Matt a few minutes ago and the movers were there getting all the big stuff out of the townhouse. I got a little perturbed (is that a word?) because he's getting rid of the couch and the entertainment center. Now don't get me wrong, me leaving everything behind was a conscious decision and it's his right to do with it what he wants but I think it just irritates me a little because right now I literally have nothing. Such is life, right? He's doing pretty good, I think his move has kept him busy and I think it'll be a good change for him. It's so funny because I didn't even want the couch or the entertainment center....I guess it's just the point of the matter. I suppose this is how some divorced couples get so petty and fighting about everything....I'm soooo glad we didn't go there.

Last night I ordered my famous Pizza Oven pizza....I don't know what the heck I was thinking when I ordered it, I asked for a large....for just me! Now don't get me wrong, I love this pizza but I haven't been eating much lately for starters and on top of that although pizza oven pizza is even better the day after----I don't have anything to re-heat it. I do have an oven but no cookie sheets or anything...maybe I'll have to go to walmart and pick some up because I don't want this precious pizza to go to waste. I had 3 slices dipped in blue cheese (weird I know but I love anything dipped in blue cheese!) and it was heavanly.

I think I have had all of the yummy foods here that I haven't been able to get anywhere else and it's time for me to get back on track. My only saving grace is that I haven't been eating much more than one meal a day but it hasn't been the most healthy. I don't want to gain back any of the weight that I've lost, I'd like to lose 20 more and then I'd be at my 'goal' weight. I don't like to judge things by the number on the scale but even though I feel 100% better than I have in YEARS, I still feel I need to lose a little more.

Speaking of.....I need to do some shopping for some interviewing clothes. Between working at Medtronic where I wore nice jeans every day and then losing weight, any dressier items that I had got tossed out because they were way too big. As Jenna & I have discussed in the past, we should be able to get some sort of trade-in credit on clothes when we've lost weight.

I really, really want my own apartment. I don't like this limbo feeling. I also don't like the feeling of having to 'check' with someone before I do something....that someone is my aunt. As I wrote previously, between the daily mail calls and telling me I can't clean the kitchen floors the way I want to....I can't take it. One of my goals of making all these changes was to become totally independent, not rely on anyone and to not feel like I have to answer to anyone....possibly sounds selfish but that's what I want. I just want to do what I want, when I want and not worry about anyone. I'm fortunate that Matt & I didn't have children (although those of you that know me know that we did try and sadly it wasn't in the cards for us) in the regard that I was able to make a clean break and just worry about me. It's hard to explain but even though we never had children, I still was never good at putting myself first. I always wanted to make him happy and never really paid attention to my own happiness. I know I'm rambling but I'm really trying to focus on MY happiness and learn that without me being happy with me, that I truly can't move forward. Okay, enough of my psychological babble. :)

I was looking at my toes last night and I am in desperate need of a pedicure. I saw a place on Transit Rd called "US Nails" which is the name of the place I used to go to in Redmond, so I think that is where I will go today. After that I think I'll head over to the wonderful Lockport Mall (major sarcasm here as it is virtually empty) and see what I can find at the BonTon---similar to Macy's for the west-coasters.

I looked at airfare yesterday for a flight from Buffalo to Seattle and it was like $437... WTF?? Geesh. So, we'll have to see when I'll be able to come back for a visit. I should probably wait until I've been gone at least a month, ha ha. And Kaelee, I totally love your couch so I just might take you up on that offer! :)

Take care everyone, have a great day & I miss you all!

Love,
M.