Thursday night

Today ended up being a pretty good day but I have to say that I do not like goodbyes. It's making me sad.

Jenna & I met up at US Nails for pedicures, I chose a color by OPI called "I'm not really a waitress"...I tend to pick colors based on their names. At first I wasn't happy with the color as I thought it was going to be a deeper red....but after getting home and looking at it more closely, I like it. I know, it was a close call on that one but it's okay, it all worked out...whew.

After the pedis we went over to Claim Jumper for happy hour, I had the PG version of my all-time favorite drink, 'sex on the beach' which they call 'shark on the beach'. Whatever. I guess even restaurants/bars have to be PC these days. We ordered a few appetizers and it was pretty tasty. We caught up on Jenna's new job and all that has been going on in each other's lives. Again, I hate saying goodbye. The good part of saying goodbye to my friends out here is that I know it's not a forever goodbye as I will definitely be back for visits...I truly love it out here and can't imagine never coming back. Who knows, maybe someday I'll move back. You just never know.

It's so funny because the few random people that I've told that I'm moving to New York all tend to think that I'm moving to New York city. It's like I was talking to someone at Starbucks I think, she asked me what I was up to and told her I was in the process of moving to NY, going through a divorce, etc.....and she said something about how I could be like the girls on "Sex & The City". I didn't bother correcting her that I am moving to New York state, not the city. Honestly, I've never even been to the city and although I've never been there, I highly doubt that Lockport is anything like NY city.

At the same time I guess I can't say too much because until I found out that Matt was going to be stationed out here many years ago, I had never really thought much about Washington state or Seattle. I remember thinking 'what in the heck is in Washington state??'. Funny.

So I got my new cell phone the other day. I was surfing the internet and found that I could order my new phone and get my new phone # all on-line. I love the internet. So I chose the Motorola pink razor phone and I love it. It was so easy to activate and now I'm good to go. I also bought one of those blue tooth ear pieces as it's illegal to talk on the phone in your car without something that is hands-free in NY. I have to say that I have a major pet peeve about those little blue tooth ear pieces and I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but the people that wear them constantly look like someone from Star Trek. It drives me c-r-a-z-y when I'm at the grocery store, mall, whatever and I see someone walking around with the darn thing on their ear. I just want to rip it off of them. I will definitely not be one of 'those' people.

Tomorrow I'm either having coffee or lunch with Trenton, not sure which. Then later in the day/evening I'm going to the casino with Kari and then spending the night at her place. Maybe we'll both win big...we can only hope!

I cannot believe that after Sunday I will no longer live here. I have to be honest, getting a divorce and moving back to NY has been something that I've thought about for a very long time. I guess I never thought I'd actually ever get the nerve to do it....maybe I just needed the time to make sure I was doing the right thing. I think part of it is that for so long I didn't feel very good about myself and therefore didn't really do much to make changes or try to make myself happy....but over the last 2 years or so I've really started to feel better about myself and feel comfortable in my skin. I know that I am doing the right thing but I can't help but be sad. It's scary & exciting at the same time. I talked to one of my aunts earlier today, who by the way is in her 60's and never been married, and she told me how I need to remember that a woman doesn't need to have a man in her life to be complete. Umm....okay. I never said I 'needed' a man in my life and I never said I didn't feel complete. I love my aunt to death but since my mom died she has taken over as my surrogate mother and as much as I appreciate it and love her even more for it, my mom would never say such things to me. Oh-well, I know she's just worried and doesn't want me jumping into anything too soon. Which will not happen. I had this 'conversation' with a friend of mine and again with Jenna tonight how I've realized that I don't know how to not be a wife or a girlfriend. I had boyfriends in each grade since 9th grade until I graduated, a couple boyfriends after high school and then dated casually a teeny tiny bit and then boom! got married. So, quite honestly this whole 'dating' thing is really foreign to me. Maybe I can find a "Dating for Dummies" book....I've looked for an instruction manual for a 35 year old divorcee but have yet to find it. ;) Oh-well, I know I'll be fine.

I am very interested in finding some sort of animal shelter or something like that to volunteer at, I think that would be good for me. I love animals and it breaks my heart to see them in cages at shelters, I wish I could rescue them all. And oh my god, has anyone seen that commercial for some sort of dog food where it shows this adorable dog and you hear David Duchovny's voice saying "I'm a good dog, I play fetch, etc...what I don't understand is why I'm in here" and then they show the dog in a cage at a shelter or something. The first time I saw it I had tears rolling down my cheeks and I still get all choked up when I see it. Breaks my heart.
If I ever won the lottery I would buy acres & acres of land somewhere and take in all kinds of animals. I'd also create some sort of free program where people could get their animals spayed & neutered as that is another one of my pet peeves, too many kittens & puppies out there that don't have homes. Just call me Bob Barker. :)

Speaking of animals, I am leaving behind 1 cat...Harley. It makes me very sad to not take him but I can't have 3 cats. Plus it wouldn't be fair to Matt. Harley is 8 years old and I brought him home while Matt was overseas, it was a little too early for him to be taken away from his mother and I think he thinks that I'm his mother. Sydney doesn't like him at all (she doesn't like anyone actually) and there is an invisible barrier around her that he is not allowed to penetrate without her giving him a right hook in the face. Winnie & him curl up together all of the time, Winnie washes his face for him and they both sleep with me. I just don't think Harley would survive the trip, he screams and I mean literally screams bloody murder when he is in a vehicle. He'd either give himself a heart attack or we'd be leaving him somewhere in Montana. I'm sure he'll cope just fine and I'm probably worrying more about it than I should, it just breaks my heart a little to leave him behind. :(

Sorry for getting all melancholy....my time left here in Washington is coming to an end rather quickly and it's very emotional. I just need to remember that I'm doing what is right for ME, what will make me happy and the rest will fall into place. Plus I'm going to have to do a TON of shopping for pretty much everything and what girl doesn't like to shop?? :)

Goodnight....